Posted by Barack Levin on March 15th, 2012
Parents often times tell me that they have clingy kids and that they try to teach them to become independent.
To that, I always tell parents:
Independence can not be given, nor can it be taken – independence needs to be earned !
Think about it this way. Independence is a product that you would like your child to have, it is a powerful tool to have and a very desirable skill to poses, but as with any other products, you can not just give your child his independence and he can not just take it for you. There is a transaction here and just like in a commercial transaction where currency is exchanged to purchase the goods, in order for your child to “purchase” his independence he needs to pay for it. His currency of choice is: Trust.
As soon as he can show you that you can trust him, you can sell him his independence.
For example, if he does not run away from you – you do not have to hold his hand every time you cross a street, if he goes to bed alone – you can let him decide if he wants to read a book first and so on.
With the use of the trust currency, your child will slowly become independent.